Having a relationship is like undergoing different degrees of practical test. Each test will serve a lesson or two which can make us grow eventually into being the right person for the job. But what if the lesson comes in a heavy circumstances? What if the mistakes your other half did is so shocking and painful? How can you forgive and forget?
1. Weigh the mistake. First, know if it is a serious case like having an affair with someone or a petty case like being late for a date. People make mistakes. It is normal for us to have a couple of shortcomings in our relationship. So think first of the how serious their fault is.
2. Listen. Listening is a key point to every relationship. Don’t do the questioning marathon. Listen to him/her. Remember Oprah’s 6 Rules for Talking and Listening! Be a two-way communicator. Listen to the details, the reasons, and the emotion of the talker. It is also one way to know if the person is sorry for his/her mistake.
3. Analyze. Now that you know his/her side, it’s time for you to analyze the situation. If he/she admits the mistake and is really sorry for what he/she has done, make it count. Not all people can swallow their pride and say “sorry”. You can also ask some questions, not too much though. Be sure to ask questions that will clarify the issue, not make it go around circles.
4. Decide. In deciding whether or not to forgive your other half depends on your trust level. If you think the person is genuinely true and really felt remorse on himself/herself, go on and give a go to second chance. If he/she promised you that you’ll never get to see them doing that action again, then give it one more try. It’s not easy to forgive completely, but if you really love the person why not give it a try.
On the other hand, if he/she has done the same shortcomings/mistakes/ faults again and again, I think 100 chances is too much. You still have to love yourself. (Just sayin’)
5. Getting Over It. Forgiving is the first step, forgetting takes years to do so. For girls, one serious mistake in our relationship can cost a major trust issue. (BEWARE) It’s really tough for girls to forgive, mainly because when girls trust they REALLY trust. Another reason is because our hearts are more fragile compare to the guys. So, if you’re boyfriend did something serious but you still love him, forgive him and want to work out the relationship, just remember that it will take time to trust him again. Tell him that fact. Do not hide your fears from him. Boyfriends are made to help you conquer your fears.
Next, you need to love yourself more. I mean more than you did before. It’s a kind of protection and healing process that you can do for yourself. Pampering yourself or engaging to more social activities will help you through the healing process. Lastly, do new things with your other half. It’s a kind of renewing process for both of you and your relationship so I think experiencing new things together will bring you closer together.
Based on my experience, it’s really tough to forgive someone after that person broke the trust you’ve put on your relationship. But as the relationship go by, you will then realize that some of those mistakes you both made before are just rigid lessons you need to pass to be a better couple. As for me, it took like 6 months to get it over, but there are still some times that it flashes back to your memory–especially the “what-ifs”. However, you just need to build a new ladder of trust with the help of your partner. It’s a two way relationship, so work it out together.