“Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things.” Keanu Reeves, in fact, has emphasized a universal truth with his quotation. Let’s face it falling in love is really easy and having the relationship after is harder than anything in the world. Maybe next to giving birth to a child or having a family. So, why do most long term couple find that maintaining a lifetime relationship is hard?

The Cycle | Most couples started with the very sweet teenage or young love phase. This is when they exchange thousands of sweet nothings to each other. Dating, flirting, missing each other every minute and the like. Plus, they both revolve in each other’s world. After months or so, things started to change a little. However the sparks and flames are still there. A year or two, the relationship started to change course to this bumpy zigzag road with a lot of traffic signs along it. This phase is where most couples start having arguments, quarrels, fights and space! Yup, the famous I-need-my-space-syndrome. The last phase is the deciding phase which could end up with the wedding bells or the tragic ending of being strangers in the dark.

The Why’s | So people, especially partners, would end up having queries on the back of their heads why working out a relationship demand lot of things. Where did I go wrong? When did it all started? Who change who? Why are we in this position? These are some of the questions people ask when the so called falling in love turns into falling off the cliff. In my opinion, people change. Especially for a couple who’s been there for each other for years. But actually, they don’t change drastically, they really EXCHANGE. Yes! they exchange from their personality to their partner’s personality. Why? Because they have become one already which they merely see because they’re not married yet. As you see, most boyfriend-girlfriend relationship starts with this kind of boy and this kind of girl. There is two personalities of a starting relationship–it’s either they both have the same personalities or they’re totally the opposite of each other!

The Process | Then, during the relationship, one or both of them wants to know more about each other. So, they do activities that one really loves to do. Furthermore, they grow up together in the relationship that they know each other so well nobody can tear them apart. But quite some time, they will be tired–one or both of them will. Just because everything seems like a routine, a film or a page of their favorite book. Everything seems normal. This is when the “Space Syndrome” enters. This is when arguments come day by day. This is when messages are fewer than usual, communication is seldom and date night are just too busy to put into schedule. This is when the girl would go shopping alone and the boy would end up playing Xbox at home. This is when both of them are tired of eating the same dishes they can serve each other everyday. One or both them wants some time and space to enjoy themselves. Some people call this “I want to know more about my self stage” Why? Because they become too unison that they can’t distinguish who is who. They grew up together as one that they have lost their identity. Losing oneself is harder than finding oneself.

The Remedy | There are hundreds of ways to bring back the fire. The base rule is to stay away from your normal routine. From there, you can think of creative ways on how to make your partner or relationship happy and burning. You can incorporate new routines to your busy schedules. For example, instead of having the usual restaurant date, why not try having a picnic date? That way you’ll spend less plus have longer time to spend with your partner. Another way is to send messages with sweet or funny quotes, or you can make surprise calls to your partner rather than your usual calls before bedtime. Reinventing plus staying away from your usual routine is a trick here. With this, you’re sure to get your partner’s attention and love again.

I hope you’ve learned a lot from the cycles of love. Remember to radiate that love to other couples you think need a little knock on their doors! Good day!

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